Friday, February 29, 2008

Growing up

“You’re a grown up now! Behave like one” My mother chastised me over yet another small fumble up I had done.

So, I’m a grown up now. I need to understand the responsibilities that come with this post of an ‘adult’ I have been conferred with, without my express permission. I now should behave responsibly, keeping in mind that my actions reflect not only my own personality ( which ought to be good enough by numerous standards), but my family name as well. I am now ‘on display’, for people to see how well my parents have brought me up.

I was wondering ‘when did I grow up?’

Was it when I turned 18? I guess not, I never saw myself being treated as an adult then! When was it then? When did I grow up??

Was it when I had my permanent liscense made? When I had my passport made? When I had my PAN card made? When I had my voters identity card made?

I think this growing up has got something more than getting documentary proof of adulthood!

Was it when I woke up one morning and felt too lazy to shave? Something that used to be very exciting when I first started shaving at the age of 17.

Or was it when I went to a theatre running an A movie, and the ticket checker never asked for my age proof?

Or was it that day when I realized the complete gravity of what a marriage means and thus started dreading going to one?

Or was it that day when I asked my father for a couple of hundred rupees and he never asked what for?

Or was it that day when I got placed in a company? When some people interviewed me and placed a tag on my worth? 3.5 lakh rupees per annum?

Was it when I went to college and felt, soon it’ll all be over. That the dream run called education is over and that I’ll have to go and earn money of my own?

Or was it that day when the desperate urge to pursue higher studies gripped me. A last chance to have another couple of years of education before being thrown out into the big bad world, which now actually looked as scary as it sounded.

Or was it when I called my mother up and said, “I won’t be coming home tonight, we’re partying at a friends place” and she agreed!

Or was it that day when I saw an accident on the road? I ran to pick up that injured child and took him to the hospital; paying for the emergency procedures before his parents arrived?

Or was it that day when I was talking on my phone at 2 am and mummy saw me! She never asked me about it!

Or was it when I realized watching cartoons is so much fun!

Or was it that day when I escorted my brother to another city where he had taken admission, with the responsibility of ensuring all arrangements about his admission and hostel etc.?

Or was it that day when my father sat me in front of him and asked, “ So, what are your career plans?”

Or is it today, when I consciously sit down to analyze my long gone childhood and my recently acquired adulthood?

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Bombay Chronicles 1: Churchgate

I got down at Churchgate station; from the fast western local I had boarded with some difficulty at Dadar, to a warm if not thunderous applause. It took me by surprise; who was clapping? And why? The second question I answered thus “probably they are applauding my heroic travel in the western line local”. Clack-clack the sound filled the station, but seeing no real people clapping, I concluded that my endeavor was not as heroic as it seemed to me; the source of the sound still remained a mystery. It was random enough to rule out mechanical origins, and loud enough to rule out a number of sources I attribute noise at railway stations to. Pondering I started walking to the central area of the station. It was there the sound was coming from, echoing in the high ceiling hall.

As I crossed the gate that separated the huge hall from the platforms, what I saw surprised me. I was greeted by an army of boot-polish soldiers, sitting in neat files, each one of them hitting their small wooden shoeboxes with shoeshine brushes. It was this war cry that I had thought to be applause.

There are numerous instances in movies where the actor stands still, alone, in a sea of people who scurry around him, like ants, rushing to unknown destinations. The place is generally the seventh ave on Times Square. I felt like that actor, as I stood there in a perpetual stream of people who alighted from locals that thundered into the station and scurried away to unknown destinations. Scenes from movies about Bombay flashed inside my head, as I stood staring at these busy-bees all of them rushing to get honey (money).

I’ve heard a lot of people comment about Bombay “ the one thing I hate about Bombay is the crowd”. Standing there, I was fast realizing “ the one thing I love about Bombay is the crowd”. I walked on, glancing jealously at people who were standing reading papers as the men at their feet busily added shine to their shoes, as if they were being given some royal treatment. I cursed my infernal sports shoes, as they had denied me the pleasure of observing an art, that movies like ‘boot polish’ had led me to associate characteristically to Bombay. I made a mental note to wear leather shoes next time, and moved on.

As I stepped out from the station gate, I was again greeted by a sight I’m not accustomed to seeing (except in movies): a road overflowing with ceaseless traffic. These overwhelming sights, the sheer volume of movement was making me feel that I belonged to a small little town, which in fact is not true; or so I thought till now.

I think it was my large backpack that gave me away; a gentleman stopped beside me and said, “There is a walk-bridge to your right”. Snapping out of my reverie, I gave the straps of my backpack a heave and started walking.

“ Which way to the Gateway?” I asked a passerby. “ Go straight, a ten minute walk”.

It took me five hours to get there. I’m not implying that the directions were wrong, or the time estimate was very very erroneous. The road that led to the gateway was littered with colonial buildings, posh and flea markets and a large number of people, justification enough for spending three hours exploring these sights( and missing my camera more than ever) than staring at a stone gate that you’ve already seen enough times in photographs and movies, and read about in books, to last you ten lifetimes.

Just across the road from the station lies an oval ground, emerald green in a sea of stone, aptly named ‘The Oval’. There were quite a few people walking through the park, on a road that was the minor axis of the ellipse. I went inside and stood at the geometric center of the park, feeling once again like the actor in the sea of people I mentioned earlier (a feeling that became almost permanent as the day progressed). This time the ants were wearing black coats as well. Black Coats!! Well, to my left was the high court building standing in it’s neo-gothic splendor. To my right were art-deco apartments, christened ‘court view’. The plaque in front of me informed me that the buildings around me were built in the period between 1890 to 1930.

As I stood there marveling at the silent splendor of these works of art, an interesting thought struck me ‘ The British consciously knew they were building history here’. I tried to imagine the state of the mind of the architects who had landed on the coast of Bombay. Coming from London, and other European cities, which were at the peak of their prosperity at that time, this place would have seemed to them like a blank canvas. The labor was free, the lords of the land rich and idle, and no critics from Paris to poke you about your expression of art. And looking at what they had done, I almost smiled as I thought ‘they must have had had the time of their lives here’.

I know nothing of architecture, so I cannot comment on that, but I sure know how to appreciate beauty. That is what I did for the next two hours. One road led to another, and each one offered newer buildings and fresh sights.

There were many places I had heard of before, like the Army and the navy building, the Prince of Wales museum, Flora Fountain and the Jehangir art gallery. But it was not the standard tourist attractions that interested me. I’d rather be inside a colonial building that was now the headquarters of LIC, marveling at the intricate stonework, partially obscured by notices, than staring at paintings in the Indian gallery of modern art.

I was surprised at how commonplace all this seemed to people who worked there. Most of them did not know, or did not want to know what these buildings were before the paan spitting babus occupied them. “Ghar ki murgi daal barabar” I guess.

Books are a weakness I have. Thus when I entered the library of Mumbai University that sported an ancient clock tower, I felt dizzy. The central hall is an oak paneled reading room, with grand heavy doors leading to stacks and stacks of books.

As I was walking around the library (a grade I heritage building), glassy eyed and almost in a trance, burning with jealousy against the people who were sitting there, studying; a loud growl from my stomach broke the heavenly silence. I realized I had been roaming around for almost three hours. I decided it was time to eat, and headed to the Causeway market; searching for a restaurant called Leopold!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Check your weight


You climb on to the 1ft by 1ft metal platform. A coin poised ready in your hand. The white-red disc rotates. You wait, because the instructions painted in calligraphic hindi read

“ लाल-सफ़ेद चक्कर का घूमना बंद होने के बाद ही सिक्का डालें”

You look at the bright LEDs, shining in crazy spirals and concentric circles. Red-blue-green. The disc has stopped rotating. You insert the coin in the slot, an audible clunk registers into your auditory senses. The machine comes alive. A shaft moves to extract a small 1in by 3in cardboard ticket from a stack in front of you, behind the glass. The LEDs explode in a flurry of colors. Switching on and off, making crazy lit up circles; as if driven into a furious frenzy to hypnotize you. The printing head comes down with a thud and the ticket falls in the cup below the light storm.

There is not one chance that the coin might have been returned as well, but you still run your fingers through the coin return cup, nursing a mad hope of getting the coin and the ticket as well. Disappointment meets you. The dejection is replaced by curiosity as you pick up the ticket. It is as if it holds the answer to ‘life the universe and everything’.

My ticket read 84, that’s twice the expected answer (42 that is).

But it is not just the weight figure that is important about the ticket. With childish curiosity you turn the ticket around, to face a smiling Priety Zinta embossed in a 50*50 pixel resolution and below the marvel of printing is your predicted future “Friends will rescue you from the financial perils you face”. A smile spreads across your face, as if this scrap of cardboard is your destiny. And you hop off the platform, giving way to the next person in line who’ll go through similar motions.

India is clearly a country of weight conscious individuals. Machines similar to the one I mentioned above can be found on all (I do not say almost all, I state with conviction all) bus stands and railway stations. I do not know how much revenue these machines contribute to the annual railway budget, but I bet it’s substantial. I can even go as far as thinking that the recent turnaround of the railways can be attributed to Mr. Prasad’s decision to service all the existing weight machines, install newer machines and provide an inverter to each machine in case of power failure.( and obviously the chai in clay cups)

We are a country that does not have an obesity grant in it’s national budget; the average number of overweight people is much less than developed countries and McDonald’s is not scattered as densely as the paan shops. But if I ask why people are so anxious about their weight, I am faced by expressions that read, “It is the most closely guarded cosmic secret (after the answer to the question of ‘life the universe and everything’, obviously)”

I cannot let you in to the secret ( I found it out by traveling to the Vogon colony that runs the super computer which has answered and harbored all the cosmic secrets), but I can make you think, the next time you stand on one of these machines and see the lights.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Walk This Way: Photo Diary

I and three of my friends went to college walking one fine winter morning. An odd 14 kilometers crossing two villages and the lush countryside, the walk was an exhilirating experience; more so because I had a digital camera. Obviously I clicked a lot.
Following are the snaps I really liked. I have not captioned them because i want my pictures to speak for themselves. Most of the photographs i've put up made me think, about country life in general and about our country and life in particular.



















Saturday, February 02, 2008

Yahoo needs a copywriter

There are times when gaffes are staring at you in the face and you do not see them at all. I stumbled across one of them. It's Yahoo this time.

Oh, I forgot the sentence should have been ' It's Yahoo ! this time'.( pay attention to the exclamation mark). I have often mulled about the wisdom of using an exclamation mark in the brand logo? I mean, you're using it right in the middle of a sentence, and as all good english readers read a pause after an exclamation mark, there is a pause where there should'nt have been any. Even mentally i'd read the sentence as " It's Yahoo ! [...pause...] this time". Uncanny. More so when we mentally append the meaning of the word yahoo to the sentence.

Getting back to the gaffe. Right in the middle of the mail login page is the link ' forget your ID or Password'. Duh!! Why would I want to forget my ID or password?




Where does the link lead to? A brainwashing software where I'll be offered options like ' Forget your ID only', 'Forget your password only'. forget both your ID and password' and ' If you cannot read the above please click here!' ?? And when i do click on one of the options, i'll come up to a screen that'll say " please enter the ID you want to forget' and 're-enter the ID to confirm'.

And after the faulty Yahoo ! functionalities would manage to work, you'll encounter a message:

" CONGRATULATIONS; you have now forgotten your ID and/or Password" ' For further help click on contact us and please please send the Yahoo ! support a mail. After gmail took over we've been desperately looking for job satisfaction.

By the way, if Yahoo ! is looking for a copywriter, i can offer my services. I know the difference between forgot and forget.