V-Day

“Hey man, how do I look?”
Before me stood Ranjan, looking a bit cleaner and better dressed than usual; shaved and smelling strongly of deodorant. However, college brings to you the insatiable hunger for leg pulling, so I replied “A dumbass, as usual”
“You’re useless” he retorted and turned his questioning glance to Atul who was standing beside me.
“Cool, man. You are looking good. Just get that glob of gel off from your hair” he replied in an even tone.
“Oh! The gel” he said, retrieving the excess gel from his hair. “Thanks man!” and he walked away, with an unfamiliar gait. There was an unusual spring in his step, opposed to his regular shambling, shuffling walk.

“What the hell was that about?” I asked Atul. “Since when did Ranjan start looking so well after his toilet?”
“Since he decided to ask Nidhi out”.
“ Whaaaat?” I broke into fits of laughter. “Ranjan,…… asking….Nidhi out!! Joke of the year” “and when did he get this brainwave?” I still could not stop chuckling.
“Well, its 13th feb today”
“Duh! And how is that supposed to be an answer?”
“You’re slow are’nt you! Today is 13th feb, that means tomorrow is 14th feb, that means tomorrow is Valentine’s day. Is that sufficient for an answer?” Atul said, irritatingly stressing on every syllable. “You read Sherlock Holmes, and you still could not notice the signs? See the girls gathering in groups, giggling away more regularly than usual. See the sudden burst of color in the dresses both the sexes wear to college; it’s almost a fashion parade. Guys talking loudly about how great they are and stealing glances to make sure that the right ears are hearing it. The bustle in the canteen is an obvious give away. Come on man, wake up. Love is in the air.”
“Riiiiight. Valentine’s day!” I was mocking and satirical. He caught the tone.
“You are the only guy I know around here who responds to Valentine’s Day with such ‘enthusiasm,’” he stressed on enthusiasm.
“There is no love in the air, just dung in their heads. And I do not wish to associate petty days to something as eternal and pure as love”. I said with some vigor in my voice.
“All single men….”
“May hell take you now”. I cut him off, or I’d have to listen to his frustrating dictum that goes ‘All single men hate anything remotely associated with couples and the pleasures contained therein’. He thinks it’s a great quote, I maintain in all sincerity that it his way of telling me ‘I have a girlfriend and you have none’.
I have often tried to answer the question “Do I need a girlfriend?” and as soon as I ask this question to myself, I am redirected to a more fundamental question “What exactly is a girlfriend?” I have thought and thought, but I have not arrived to a satisfactory answer yet. Now in my view a girlfriend is exactly what the word tells, a girl who is your friend. Someone you can talk to and hang out with sometime, exchange opinions, share a few jokes; that is it. Just as you do it with some other guy who is your friend.
“Is it necessary to ask her out to coffee before you can start talking?”
“Is it mandatory that we talk for hours on phone?”
“Am I bound by an unwritten contract that I’m not supposed to talk much or go out with another girl?”
“Is it compulsory that we go on long drives and try to act romantic all the time?”
The point is that people confuse friendship with girls as love, something i’m unable to digest. As usual, I have more questions than I am able to answer. So I finally give up looking for a definition and here I am, confused.
Now this does not indicate that I cannot differentiate between friendship and love and that I do not understand what a crush is. It is only that my definitions do not fit the layman’s definition.
Getting back to Atul and me.
“ Why are you so sore about people having girlfriends?” Atul asked.
“Who says I’m sore? “ I retorted in a voice that almost betrayed me.
“Well, if you’re not sore, why are you so irritated?” He continued mocking me.
We had reached the canteen, and I was really getting irritated with this self-obsessed Mr. I have a girlfriend. Now Atul is a very good friend of mine, and debates are our favorite mode of conversation. Excitable, as I am, I started off, answering his question, a bit louder than usual.
“ I am not irritated nor am I sore about not having a girlfriend. The point is that all this mindless talk about Valentines Day and ‘loove’ is getting on my nerves. And to top it all, our immaculate bollywood has created a strange compulsion in the minds of students that ‘if we are in college, we need to hang out with the opposite sex’. So, everyone who walks into college; you,” “ and the guy there” I said pointing randomly “and the young lady there” I moved my pointing finger “all come to college thinking that this is a place where I’ll find my soul mate, and then there will be music and a happy ending to another Hindi movie. These people have diluted the whole concept of love. It is not just about having coffees or going on drives; it is about care, concern and understanding. And with the skewed perception of love, the great college crowd is also tarnishing friendship. Mind you, our country is not America where you go around kissing every girl and shagging like rabbits. Apart from this, the people who I think are in love become so impractical that I’m scared of falling in love. Now, I have nothing against being friends with girls or being in love with them. But be friends or lovers, because you want to, not because you should. Anyways, valentine’s day is such a shoddy copy of a western tradition, that I involuntarily hate it.”
“Bu….” Atul started saying something but I cut him off.
“ But if you think that people need to have a particular day to express themselves and act crazy, they can go ahead. Being practical, I’m okay with valentine’s day as long as it stays away from me”.
Mock applause broke out as I ended. Some of our friends had gathered and were listening to what I had been shouting about. The smiles showed that they found my genuine feelings comic. Anyways joining the joke, I too laughed.
As Atul and I sat to have our lunch, looking over my back, he said, “there she is!”
In one moment I whirled around, and in the same moment I decided not to whirl around resulting in an odd screeching of my chair that made everyone in the canteen turn and see.
Atul started laughing like mad.
A brief interlude here let Atul laugh while I tell you about ‘her’. You see, after all that I had said and keep on saying, I’m a guy. ‘She’ is my only genuine crush, Swati. Quoting Atul here “ Even after being the dumb chauvinist that you are, you picked the one single most beautiful girl in college”. I always say that looks are only 40/100 in my scale for a girl. A lot of other things count, but he starts rolling his eyes and the conversation ends there. In Swati’s case, the rest 60/100 come from her attitude, the things she does in college. Her hobbies are reading and music, same as mine. I found it all out without having talked to her once. Being bold and outspoken melts away when it comes to girls. Somehow, I cannot! Probably it is my non co-ed schooling, or the ‘no talking to girls’ scene at home. And to top it all, Atul keeps saying, half the college is after her; you do not stand a chance. Now it is not that I want a chance. I just find her interesting, and would have liked to talk to her sometime. But I never had the courage, or the deep urge to actually do that.
Atul had suddenly stopped laughing and was staring at something behind me. “She’s coming towards us”.
And before I could say what or why, she was standing right in front of me.
She smiled at Atul, turned to me and said “ Hi”.
Now let me tell you there are 7 distinct types of Hi’s that a girl uses. First is the ultimate girly ‘hii…..’ that they generally use when meeting others of their clan ( it is generally accompanied with squeals and flapping of hands like hens). Second is the normal ‘Hi’ almost similar to the only one type of Hi in the guys dictionary. The third is the love laced, toothy ‘Hi’ that is used when they meet their ‘declared’ boyfriend. Then there is the ‘Hey’, some uptown girls use, and sounds slightly snobbish. The fifth is “who the hell are you?” hi and the sixth is “don’t dare to talk to me you moron” type hi. But this Hi, which Swati used, was the seventh and the most dangerous type of Hi. It is the dreaded “ I know you have been looking at me for long but don’t have the guts to talk” type hi.
I forced my lips to a stupid smile and said ‘Hi’ (there is only one hi that boys use, they are more simple and practical than girls)
She smiled, carelessly cleared a strand of hair from her face and said “ Could I talk to you for a moment?” and looked at Atul.
He was out of his chair in a fraction of a second “Sure…”
She sat in the vacated chair. Smiled, looked down, then up. Her hand went to her hair again. She then took a deep breath “ I have been wanting to talk to you for long”
The number of thoughts that crossed my mind in that moment would require and entire book of description, thus I skip that part. I somehow found my voice and replied “ s..same here”
Nobody spoke for a second or two. I knew I had to speak. In one moment of supreme confidence I said “well why don’t we then get together sometime and talk? How about Saturday?” Yes, I had done it.
“Sure, give me a call. You have my number?”
“Yes” and having said that I realized, she might ask, how did you get my number. But she did not. She just smiled knowingly and left.

After all that I have said and all that has happened, I have no idea weather I like Valentines Day or not. Whatever it may be, it has interesting consequences.