Am I mad?

The Strange pleasure of doing things you hate

Contradictory as I might sound, the feeling I mentioned is one that frequently visits me. How do I place this seemingly illogical behavior in my otherwise logical mind? Is it that I define pleasure erroneously or that I do not really hate what I pretend to hate? I am not masochist, or am I ?
It is recently that I have realized that the pleasure in doing things that are forbidden is great. Now the things I hate or I think I hate are things I've been taught to hate and hence are pleasurable, because they are forbidden. But if there is this pleasure, why do I think I hate them?
I'd take this example. I know a girl whom I hate like anything. She's a big liar and such a lousy actress that it makes you want to puke. She's average looking, leaning towards beautiful. I've told her numerous times that I hate the trite she talks about and she's fooling nobody by the lies she tells. Even after all this, I meet her frequently. Now why do I do that? I do not have much time to waste on hearing fibs nor am I addicted to coffee shops. Not one aspect of her is intriguing, but still I talk to her. Why? Is it just out of defiance, that since I'm not promoted to associate with girls, or out of asserting to myself that I can take more than I think I can take.
The same is with drinking. In this case I know a very big reason is the defiance factor, but that is not all. I get nothing out of drinking and I actually hole my pocket, then why do I do it?
I know I want to study, and that I do not have a lot of time to waste, still I will spend hours watching nothing on TV, and I hate channel surfing.
Putting all of what I mentioned above, am I mad??